Friday, May 6, 2011

A New Look, Springtime, and Thoughts On Coming Back 'Home'

Guys! It's Spring! It's almost Summer!

There are leaves on trees, and the smell of flowers on the wind.
And, resultantly, the blog needed a new look: Creamscicle. I've always wanted stripes...I just never got the time to sit down and customize. And I wanted to simplify the header so it would be something that could age a little more gracefully.
I'll probably be tweaking it as I get accustomed...and the palette will likely shift with my mood, but this is what's up for now :)

In other news, I have relocated (along with 38 Studios) to Providence Rhode Island. Back to where I graduated from school just 2 years ago.
I keep telling people it feels "weird" just to avoid explaining it. But I've been feeling the need to talk about it, so I'm going to indulge myself and do that here.

I've spent most of my life moving from place to place; my mother recently shocked me by calculating that this will have been my 19th move. In so many ways, the shifting of scenery has been the constant backdrop of my life. It has sculpted me in ways I can't even begin to understand. And throughout God has been so good to me; truly the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. This move is no exception; all of the facts are incredibly positive: For our company this has been an immense improvement on all fronts. For my roommate and I, we have a beautiful apartment in a great area of town with tons more space than our previous place. The greater availability of excellent food, alone is reason to celebrate!

But I can't help feeling, as this new season of life begins, a little melancholy. For all the places I've moved in the past, I've never 'gone back' anywhere. And right off the bat it's stricken me: you really can't ever truly 'go back'.
I think I loved RISD more than I've ever loved any place in my life. And since graduating in 2009, I've missed being here (in Providence) on a fairly consistent basis. Which is nothing unusual; in my experience the grass is always greener in hindsight.
But now being back, being so close to where I belonged for so long, it feels like standing in your old house with all the furniture taken out. And every time you close your eyes you can just see it...the couch was there, and there was the tv...the armchair...
But it's irrevocably different. Undeniably still the same place.

The strangest feeling has been when suddenly it doesn't seem like anything has changed at all. Suddenly I'll be in a dorm hall watching a movie among friends, huddled on that same old modular furniture. Every smell is just the same. And every bit of it is still alive with all those same memories. The only thing that doesn't seem to fit is me.

I've changed along with the circumstances of my life. But the circumstances of my life have brought me back to this same place. And now I have to face that change.
So this is not the Triumphant Return per-se. No trumpeter on the rampart has taken up the cry that the "Lords of Gondor Have Returned!" This is the slow, familiar witnessing as the old ebbs away and is replaced with something new and untested. I am back, to watch as every last friend graduates and departs, and to gather whatever new friends present themselves. Just like the changing of the season: Winter has passed and these will not be the same flowers.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. For my part, I am glad for this gift; to be back in Providence. I am very interested to see what he intends by it. I trust that it will be marvelous.

So "Hello" again, Providence. "Hello" again, all those friends still here. I missed the hell out of you.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Be blessed!



-fabi- said...


coNs Oroza said...

And the name Providence fits so well! Loved reading this; hits home. Hope you do well there :)

Erin / Miri-love said...

I definitely understand what you mean. I worked at my alma mater after graduating and it was very bittersweet.

Here's to creating a new life in a familiar place. Blessings on your studio!

allicoate said...

Nick. Yes. Exactly.

Erin Kole said...

I love my brother. Sigh.

Erin Kole said...

Also, a quote from my blog when I returned home after Uganda:

"There's nothing like returning to a place unchanged to see the ways in which you yourself have altered. And through it all I am consistently a child of God."

Love you!!

baby sister said...

Even when you don't move 19 times in your life, you have these moments.

I've been having them a lot lately as we are back working on our old's the same place, only WAY different.